Gino who?

The phone rings. It's a fact-checker from Toronto Life. There's much-buzzed-about bumpf in the next issue, gossip on the city's youngest/oldest/cutest/crankiest showbiz publicist. So famous in the cruel puddle of spit that passes for Canadian showbiz, a single word brings nods, snorts and arched eyebrows: Gino.

How old did you say Gino Empry is? Have Gino's looks been, uh, surgically altered? That's what the mag's fact-checker asks.

There are singers, actresses, bar bands who would kill for half this attention. But stars come and go. Empry is forever. Hogtown's omnipresent showbiz gnome in neck chains or ascot. His condo featured in The Star. Backstage at every awards show and party. Has he had a face-lift? What's his sex life like? Why do we care?

"Sure, I'm worried!" Empry says of the magazine's ominous questions, tattled back to him for weeks by friends. "But then again, I don't care any more. Let them say what they want. I'm tired of worrying."

Any publicity is good publicity. For as Gino's own Web site modestly declares: "Internationally-known, (Empry) is Canada's superstar publicist."

Playboy Playmates, porn stars, Tony Bennett, Ed Mirvish, Jaymz Bee, Eartha Kitt, legends of the fabled Imperial Room know this to be true.

Gino swears Cary Grant wore ladies' silk underpants. He got Cher her Eaton's credit card.

Empry's alleged driving misadventures and legendary cop hot tub splash parties are sure-fire fodder for Frank.

Is there a poobah or door rent-a-thug he hasn't tangled with?

He's Gino and they're not. He gnaws until "Okay" is the easiest option. It works on columnists too.

So how old is he? When it takes him two minutes to figure out his own age --with prompting -- what hope do Gino's pals, enemies or Toronto Life have of getting it right?

"Our first clip is 1978, when you worked for Ed Mirvish," Page Six prompts. "But weren't you doing Royal Alex publicity in the 1960s?"

"I started working for Ed Mirvish in 1968," he agrees. "Then from 1979 to 1990, the Imperial Room."

"That's 33 years ago," Page Six says. "So you were in your 20s?"

"I was 19."

"So how old are you for real? Fifty-three? Fifty-six?"

"Forty-nine."

"What?"

"Wait a minute now," says Empry. "I started 33 years ago. Nineteen and 33 is 50, right? No, seventeen and 33 are 49. No it's not. Maybe I was 17. I started when I was 17, 32 years ago."

Yeah, that's the ticket. And he's dating Morgan Fairchild.

"You told people you're in your 50s. But last week, you said you were 46."

"It's Toronto Life saying I'm 54!" he yells. "And you joked 46 --I kept correcting you. Too many people know the truth." Not enough, obviously.

Toronto Life is very interested in whether Empry's ever had plastic surgery.

"Frank once wrote that I came to my office with my ears bleeding," Gino chuckles. "Can you imagine? That I would let people see me, dripping blood from a face-lift? I always take their phone calls, too! Why does Frank do that to me?"

In the land of the bland, the eccentric is king. Gino is hotter copy than Shopsy's, Roch Voisine and Roger Whittaker combined. Are they in Toronto Life, diary of Urban Hip and Poseur? I rest my case.

So, what's the answer to the question? Any face fudging?

"Just once, when I had styes on my eyes," Gino recites. "The doctor who took them off, took all the fat out from under my eyes. It never comes back, you know. That's the only thing. I told the Toronto Life writer to come down and bring a big flashlight. Come for lunch and she can pull my hair."

Why do we care how old Gino is? Who counts his nips or tucks? What's the curiosity about his personal life?

"It's just so boring," he sighs of rumoured mag speculation. And how did I get a column out of this? Darned if I know.

How did Toronto Life get a whole feature -- with photos? We been hyp-no-tized. By a superstar.